Does technology have you missing out on life?

May10

I was thinking about what to post next… what is particularly GenX, and I found a blog post on the effects of technology on parenting.

GenXers are the first generation of parents who really have to contend with technology. It’s our friend and our foe, and we get to create the map for how best to use it as a parent.

I saw this blog post recently, and it made me think about so many things, beyond just the subject of how technology can steal time from your relationship with your kids. I also thought about how life has given us so many options, it’s difficult sometimes to consider swimming upstream and eschewing what doesn’t work for us personally. Baby Boomers liked the idea of “marching to the beat of a different drummer,” but GenXers have to embrace it.

I thought about the irony of how tools like a smartphone can give and take away time. Technology is supposed to give us benefits. Why aren’t we tapping into that and creating more time for the pursuits we value? As technology provides us with more options, the need to become more self-disciplined has increased. Smartphones and other technology provide us with the opportunity to cram more stuff into our day and indulge in more entertainment. We need to know where the line is between the convenience of always having something to read on the train ride home and the burden of keeping an eye on email while we read our kids a bedtime story.

I was certain this blog was wordpress, but I couldn’t find a button to repost. So here goes the old-fashioned copy and paste routine…http://www.handsfreemama.com/

Stuart Chaifetz Shows Us The Real Power of Technology

Apr25

We all knew on some level how powerful technology has become in our lives, didn’t we? Even several years back, when today’s revolutionary tools were referred to as Web 2.0, I had an admittedly rather vague concept of what was ahead. But, often, a person needs to see something action to fully comprehend its impact. This effort by Stuart Chaifetz to expose the horrible treatment of his autistic son at school has been my “ah-ha” moment.

So there is no confusion, I fully support what Chaifetz has done, from putting a microphone on his child to sharing his story through social media. The fact is that he and his son — and clearly other families with children in the same classroom — have been victims of terrible treatment. He followed the steps the system required, and when he ultimately could find no answers, he discovered a creative solution to the problem. For the sake of Chaifetz’s child and his classmates, I’m glad he did.

My second thought about this situation is how much the world has changed in such a short amount of time. Even 10 years ago, it would have been very tough for Chaifetz to share his story with anyone outside of his local area. The process of information like this finding its way to a “traditional” news media outlet used to be difficult and time-consuming. Granted, as an animal rights activist, Chaifetz knows his stuff. But, a decade ago, there is no way that by Wednesday evening, I would have bumped into no less than ten people who also read or heard about a story of something that happened at an elementary school halfway across the country simply because it was reported on Yahoo! earlier in the day. I can’t even remember Yahoo! even having coverage like that on its site. This was a time when the concept of a “portal,” even, was in its infancy.

Chaifetz put together a website, is collecting online petition signatures, posted a video to YouTube, has a Facebook page, and as a result of all of the attention he’s getting has media coming to him to tell his story. None of these things are new to me, but when it was put together for this purpose, I was struck by how much the world has changed. It was just one of those midlife moments.

And what I hope from all of this is that people think twice about how they treat other people. Maybe this idea is not so naive anymore. We live in a time when a grade-school teacher who brings her foul mouth and perspective into a local classroom can be chastized by millions throughout the world. Today this woman is “public enemy no. 1″ in the minds of thousands, at least. I wonder how it feels to be hated by so many people. And I wonder if the potential of being hated like that will deter even a few people from acting on their worst thoughts or intentions.

If you haven’t seen the video, prepare to set aside 15 minutes to hear the whole thing. You will be shocked, saddened and likely ultimately very happy that Chaifetz had the tools to tell his story in such a compelling way.

Sunday Spin #19, Jesus Christ Superstar, “Simon Zealotes / Poor Jerusalem”

Apr8

Reblogged from COALESCENCE:

Sunday Spin is a weekly feature of Coalescence. I use it to highlight some of my favorite music and talk a little about what the song means in the context of my life. Comments are highly encouraged!

First released in 1973, here’s this Sunday’s Spin!

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It’s Easter, please allow me to introduce just a bit of religion (Christianity in this case) into my Sunday Spin series.

Gen X at Midlife without a Sports Car?

Mar17

Check out this piece from Forbes.com . The writer spends some time moaning about the state of the GenX midlife crisis, and I think it is interesting. For many years, I grumbled about the unfortunate position GenXers were put into, especially being on the older end of the generation and leaving college into a nasty job market. Moaning about our lot, especially in comparison to the Baby Boomers, is a generational imperative… a result of our apathy, our disaffected disposition. The tone of this piece certainly begins woefully, and like many articles and essays of its ilk, wraps with the silver lining of how many things GenX does have going for it.

This reminds me of something I saw the other day on The Today Show. Al Roker was interviewing a financial expert on the — gasp! — increasing trend of grown children not leaving their parents’ home. Wow! How did this come about?! Al even said something to that effect, feigning (I hope) mild surprise on this odd state of young adulthood. Well, I think Al was around in the early 90s when many of us were still living with mom and dad, post-graduation and then even a few years more. In the news cycle, perhaps enough time has passed to make this new again, but I recall the same topic covered ad nauseam by media when I was not living in my parents’ home but paying a decent portion of my paycheck for a studio apartment the size of my patio in the pre-dot-com 90s. (This says a lot more about the size of my apartment than it does the size of my patio.)

The article certainly calls out the role of circumstance in a generation’s misfortune or good luck. I am not entirely sure that I agree that things are so dismal for GenX. The writer says that GenX has hit its “collective wall,” and I am assuming that is measured only in terms of earning power. True, GenXers have suffered through two horrible economies. And, they are approaching what has been understood to be peak earning years during one of these downturns, but this is all based on assumptions of how things are “supposed” to work. And hasn’t each generation had to suffer through their own challenges and bask in their own advantages based on the circumstances at the time? We can’t continue to measure ourselves by the generation that has come before, precisely because things are different.

My parents are on the initial crest of the Baby Boomers, and they never had a sports car or any of the other trappings of the midlife crisis. When they entered their forties, they had the pleasure of paying for college for three kids. My neighbor who just turned forty has been rolling around town in a new BMW convertible. It’s all situational, and perhaps it doesn’t have as much to do with what generation you are in as it does choices you have made (my parents starting a family in their early 20s), and whether or not you have benefitted from the economy past, present or future.

Did the stock market downtown hit your retirement savings or the income you live off of in retirement now? Did you start your career expecting to stay with the same company forever and have a great retirement pension, or did you know going in that it was completely up to you to save? Do you have a huge environmental mess on your hands? (This, I think, is the worst legacy we’ve received, and it is multi-generational.) These things are generational. But many other factors can influence the outcome of one’s life too. Perhaps the GenX midlife won’t be associated with sports cars, but it might be associated with something else… like launching a second career, entrepreneurialism or re-inventing one’s life. Regardless of what it is, it also a reflection of personal circumstances as it is of birthdate.

Record Store Day — Something I Can Get Behind

Mar6

How many of you feel sorry for the younger generations — and even the youngest of GenX — because they did not partake in the pleasure of purchasing their music on vinyl? …I thought so. I know there are still some very cool record stores around, but it’s not the pastime that it once was for pre-digital generations. Record stores evoke a different experience now, I think, though I continue to enjoy a good browse through them.

In my current town, Laurie’s Planet of Sound exists today. In my hometown, the Wooden Nickel comes to mind. These places existed all over the country. These places were the destination point where fans connected with their favorite artists, discovered new music, and flipped through the albums, posters, rock magazines and other assorted record store goods for sometimes hours. The dudes behind the counter (almost always dudes) were either totally into almost any artist you came in to find, or they completely minded their own business and kept their nose out of yours. Either way, I didn’t mind.

Recently I found a website for Record Store Day. I had heard about this last year, but after the fact because I am completely middle age and don’t hear about cool stuff like this before it happens anymore. (Renewing our subscription to Rolling Stone has helped only slightly. I retain more from the political/social/cultural features than anything else.) I stumbled across it again this year, and although I do not anticipate recognizing any of the artists slated for the new releases, I do know their ambassador (Iggy Pop), so I feel relatively welcome to engage.

The thing is, I spent hours upon hours in my town’s local record stores. I was a record store snob. I rarely visited the chain stores in the mall, and when I did, I often made comments about their poor (or non-existent) selection of Gang of Four or early-career Depeche Mode. (I often hear my teen self laughing at my midlife self when I download music from iTunes now.)

Kids these days — there, I said it — have no idea how indulgent it is to commune among the album bins with a BFF or boyfriend on a Saturday afternoon under the somewhat watchful eye of a record store employee. Recently, a friend of mine talked about a record store her mom owned, recalling the massive cardboard ham and eggs that dangled from the ceiling during the release of Supertramp’s Breakfast In America. I totally remembered those promos! I can see them hanging in my favorite record store. I could probably even give you the dimensions if I thought hard enough. When I think about it, the hilarity brings forth a chuckle — giant ham and eggs to sell an album? It was all so innocent.

There is a lot to be said about the experience of listening to music on vinyl (another post, another time), but my memories of record stores also bring back that bittersweet feeling of desperation when a new album was on the verge of selling out. Yes, albums could sell out. The store could be out of stock with no hope of replenishment for a month. Four weeks was way too long to wait for a beloved new release! I remember hiding the last copy of John Lennon’s Double Fantasy at my local record store, hoping that the next potential purchasor would walk away without a thorough search in the artists nearby, but the record store dude must have watched me place it among the Ms. Not ten feet from me as I pretended to peruse the A and B artists, he pulled it out and handed it to the man. (Fortunately, my parents had already secured a copy for Christmas morning.)

I still have that album, along with hundreds of others comprised of my husband’s hefty collection, many of his dad’s old jazz records and a handful of albums I’ve bought at garage sales and antique stores. Last year, a friend of ours put me to the test. When I asked what he wanted to hear, he said, “Do you have any Adam & The Ants?” Maybe he really wanted to hear them. Maybe he thought I couldn’t deliver. But I did — both in digital form and on vinyl. I can picture that album, Prince Charming, sitting among the very few Ants albums our record store had… “Adam” with his war paint and pirate-inspired ensemble. I can remember my thumb nail cutting into the shrink wrap that encased the cover when I got it home.

I don’t remember the specific occasion of every album I purchased, but I do recall more than I probably should. How about you?

Madonna’s Legacy to GenX

Feb3

I’ve never given the subject of Madonna’s legacy much thought. Generally, I think of her influence going only as far as the fingerless gloves I donned for an after-prom outfit my sophomore year in high school. But while cruising around the web the other day, I came upon this article from Salon posing one person’s point-of-view on the impact Madonna has had on American culture. And she brings up some interesting points.

Read the article — it’s good. But to summarize here, the author says that Madonna is responsible for our society’s change in perspective toward sexuality. Certainly, she took a lot of risks in terms of what she said (“Like A Virgin” and “Papa Don’t Preach”) and what she did (“Like A Prayer” and her best-selling coffee table book “Sex”). And she definitely got away with a lot more than anyone would expect of a pop artist. I wish I was a sociologist, because I could have a lot more to say to support or counter this point, but I think it’s worth pondering if you’re into pop culture.

But as a grown woman who adored Madonna for a short while as a teenager, I can vouch for the innocence of this pursuit. While she sexualized almost everything, she also sent a message that told us, “You can do it.” Madonna was from the Midwest, not one of the coasts, but she was cool enough to fit in in New York City. She launched her career with a marginally decent voice and relatively simply songs. She was all the rage because she wore quirky fashions and looked like a teenager in the body of a twenty-something. Her look was attainable, regardless of how pretty, tall or thin you were. She was a model for the any-girl in an era when super models were on the rise.

Just because we liked Madonna didn’t mean that we were going emulate her sexual behavior. And we felt that if we ever met Madonna, she’d be totally ok with that. After all, she did tell us to “not go for second best” and that we “deserve the best in life.” What an incredible message for a young lady to hear.

Time Has Spoken

Jan31

Reblogged from GenXatmidlife:

A few weeks ago, I was cranking Asia’s “Only Time Will Tell,” reflecting on how what I vaguely remember was the theme for the video… or at least what I think was the theme for the video. Actually, I was under the impression that this was the theme of the album in general — age and the surprise Baby Boomers felt at life’s midpoint.

Things This GenXer Learned To Appreciate In Midlife

Jan29

There are some things our younger selves just don’t “get.” I am not talking about the typical “responsible adult” stuff that we all (or most of us) have to accept as age creeps upon our shore, like mortgage payments and 401Ks. Rather, I am talking about things that require a certain perspective that is gained over time to truly appreciate.

Recently, I read a post by another blogger on the topic of things she doesn’t get. And that got me thinking about things that I appreciate now that I missed when I was younger.

Risk. Perhaps some people take more risks when they are young and become more conservative as they age. For me, I think the opposite is true. As a young person, I only took risks when I had no idea what I was doing was risky. I may have had big and different ideas, but I frequently wavered when I needed to stand up for the choices I wanted to make, and I ended up doing a lot of things simply because it was the safer option. Did I go for that philosophy or English major instead of selecting a field of study that provided more defined career options? No, I graduated with degree that would help me get a job. Did I take that job teaching English in Japan when the appeal of “broadening my horizons” was so strong? No, I chickened out when they told me I would be living in a closet without a phone. Did a follow up with a major rock music promoter after he was impressed with an event I put on for a charity and asked me to call his office to schedule a time to talk about working for his company? No, I figured he was just being nice.

Granted, it’s easy to assume the outcome of rejected paths would be much better than it might have turned out in reality. But I am glad that I have loosened up a bit in my midlife and have begun to act on my instincts more and conventional wisdom less. I hope I have the guts to keep going.

Bob Seger. Where I grew up in Northeast Indiana, Bob Seger was an artist who earned single-name status, and at group functions of all kinds, people shook it to his back-to-the-basics anthem, “Old Time Rock-n-Roll.” I knew he had other songs, but at the time I was very into newer acts and very frustrated with my hometown radio’s resistence to the artists I was seeing on MTV, so I took a bit of offense to a certain extent when I heard someone encouraging people to reject the new. His music irked me, and I refused to enjoy anything he recorded.

But, a couple of years back, I found my finger hovering over the preprogrammed station buttons on my car stereo when a Bob Seger song came on the radio. I dismissed it as a guilty pleasure, but then I stopped changing the stations more often when I heard his music. Eventually I began to admit, “Yeah, I like a few Bob Seger songs.” This past summer, I found myself responding to a post on Facebook stating that, “I woke last night to the sound of thunder… how far off, I sat and wondered,” was one of my favorite lines from a song. I wouldn’t go so far as to say I’m a fan, but I do appreciate his music now that I’ve actually really listened. I’m a writer, and even if I don’t relate to everything he covers in his songs, I enjoy hearing how he tells a story.

I think this is a universal thing, opening up to an artist you’ve refused in the past. Several years back I forced my husband to come along with me to see Depeche Mode — a band not guitar-driven enough for his tastes — and he had a great time. He ended up really liking their music and the performance. I can probably name a handful of other artists I now appreciate, but Bob Seger is the one that really surprises me.

LMAO. It’s not that I didn’t laugh as a young person. I laughed hard. I laughed so hard that my stomach muscles hurt. But, I was under the impression that laughing was a given… that I was entitled to that kind of entertainment all of the time. I took it for granted, even thought it was one of my favorite things in the world.

When I grew up, I realized that laughter does not come with a guarantee. People don’t just automatically laugh at things when they are older. There is a lot of serious business to attend to, and some grown-ups get so caught up in these things that they no longer pursue laughter. And they sometimes block it out entirely.

There is a lot about getting older than can bring you down, certainly. That is why I appreciate having things to laugh at. A couple of months ago, I was at a small gathering when one of my friends said something that touched just the right nerve. I responded with much heartier laughter than the comment deserved. For whatever reason, I was receptive to that break in reality brought on by unchecked laughter. This exists in all of us when we truly — even momentarily — let go of our troubles for the sake of just enjoying ourselves. It feels even better now to laugh than it did all those decades ago.

Anything you now appreciate that you didn’t before? Comments welcome!

No record contract for Morrissey? What is up with that?

Jan23

I was driving around today listening to WXRT when I heard an unfamiliar song that I just knew had to be Morrissey. Not only did I recognize his voice, but the lyrics about a broken back or something instilled a brief auditory flashback of the song, There Is A Light That Never Goes Out. At the end of the song, Terri Hemmert devulged that Morrissey is currently without a record contract. What? No label representing Morrissey?

When I got home, I did a little research. I found out that this is old news, but it is still “news” because it is still going on! (And, this also was re-affirmation that I am, in fact, midlife, because this information came to me months after it was initially revealed. So much for my young-life self’s declaration that I would never lose touch with what is going on in the music business.) Why would such a thing happen? Apparently, Morrissey has an album ready to go. Has he misbehaved in a way that offends record companies? Morrissey himself has a few theories.

I can’t imagine that this will go on much longer. Morrissey is still a relevant and influential artist, both a cult figure and accepted by the mainstream. In my opinion, Morrissey belongs to GenX. In our bedrooms, friends’ basements and dorm rooms across the country (and the world, for that matter), we indulged in Morrissey’s and The Smiths’ angst while forming our musical tastes for the lifetime ahead of us. To a certain extent, we made him and he defined us.

The glimmer of hope is this… With all the buzz generated by this story, perhaps some record company influential will realize the value of all this publicity (at the very least, putting Morrissey back on the radar of lifelong music consumers) and will get Morrissey a contract just in time for the release of his autobiography coming later this year.

Life’s Great Friendships

Jan19

I was thinking the other day about an essay contest I remember seeing that asked people to describe an important friendship in their life. I imagine the judges spent a lot of time reading about the “thick-and-thin” friendships that develop over decades or through life’s struggles. Not to dismiss the importance of those, but these days what is on my mind is the kind of friendship that emerges through life’s simple pleasures and positive moments and grows quickly to be a very valuable part of one’s life.

Not since probably the 2nd grade have I had the pleasure of what I have enjoyed the past couple of years. A great group of ladies started getting to know each other at the drop-off in front of a small school on a lovely corner in Lincoln Square. We grew more familiar through volunteer projects, kids’ sports teams and book club meetings (where the main topic is often just life) and began spending more and more time together at moms’ nights out, wine strolls, trunk shows, the nail salon and each other’s homes where we celebrated everything from bringing back extra bottles of wine from Napa to the Kentucky Derby. Second grade was probably the last time friendships were so simple.

It sounds so typical, doesn’t it? Here’s a bunch of ladies who become friends because their kids go to school together. They have a book club. They go out to eat together. They have cookie exchanges. But here’s why I think this group is special, as illustrated in a question my husband had for me a little while back, “How can a group of roughly 15 women get along so well? You guys never seem to fight or back-stab. I never hear you say anything about each other that you wouldn’t say in front of that person.”

My first response was, “We have a lot of Capricorn females.” (He’s a Capricorn, and I like to flatter him.) But, I think there is more to it than that. We value each other for who we are. Despite the fact that we have a lot in common, we do have our differences in lifestyle, life goals, family history and experience. We have ladies who run marathons (I’m talking the Boston Marathon and Ironman events), as well as those who joke, “Let them do it… means more margaritas for us!” Among us are stay-at-home moms, working moms and moms who work part-time. Some of us are fired up about almost everything and others are very laid back. We are honest about our choices but never critical of the choices of others. Possibly the most common element between us is respect.

Through this group of people I have learned the value of appreciating other people simply for who they are. Granted, within this larger group, there are people who are closer based on circumstances, common interest or disposition. But, this larger collection of friends works… really, really works. And even though they have not helped me struggle through a major life crisis, nor did they know me way back when, they have helped me in ways that I imagine I will forever be thankful. They have accepted me and respected me for who I am.

One of us is moving across the country this month, which has made me more reflective of this than I have been in the past couple of years. She keeps saying to us, “Thank you so much for letting me be a part of your group.” But, our group didn’t really exist in this way before she came along. She was as much a part of this than any of us. And, despite being 15-or-so strong, we will feel her loss.

P.S. The husbands are pretty cool too.

GenXatmidlife

Commentary from the intersection of youth and wisdom